Greece does Freddy Adu good.

Whoever made the Freddy Adu voodoo doll apparently has retired it, because Pele's favorite disappointment showed some skills (including a pretty sick assist to his countrymen Eddie Johnson) on his debut with his new Greek club.

Oscar Meyer

It's another busy day here at Dodgy as Feck, so I'll offer the day's most talked about picture.

My bologna has a first name, it's O-D-E-N-S
My bologna has a second name, it's W-I-E-N-E...R

Can't say we're homophobes...

I love that goofy bastard...

So I've tried to not like Peyton Manning, but I just can't. He's just too lovable.
Which probably means he's currently banging a dozen different ladies and about to have a golf club (or I guess a football in his case) thrown at him while he drives into a tree.

Straightforward

The Puck is in the middle of a move and I'm swamped at work today, but I do have enough time to express one idea within these confines today...

Terry Leigh is an exceptionally good looking broadcaster.

Sock Sucker?

So I'm all for a little smack talking between former teammates (its the only reason i listen to anything Shaq says anymore). But I feel that Carlos Tevez (you wouldn't like him when he gets angry) could have come up with better then calling his former teammate Gary Neville a "sock sucking moron". Because I like Argentinians who are owned by shady businessmen, I will provide a "slam list" of alternative names to call Mr. Neville.
-Beckham's Butt Boy
-Che Asshole
-The Weakest Ankle Ligaments in England
-The man who can't grow a full Goatee
-The Birdie

Couple Idea for you Carlos, but if all else fails, just roll into a ball and launch yourself at him. You look like you have it in you.

Our first shameless advirtisement

At Dodgy as Feck, we've taken a moment to acknowledge male compatriots within the ranks of athletics who need some assistance in their We've gotten together with our friends at Hair Club for Men to bring you our first nominees for brand sponsorship.

With that, we would like to introduce *drum roll please*...Joleon Lescott and Ricardo Carvalho.

With all other dermotology products for men failing at the moment, we've decided to step up and help those that need it most. After this campaign becomes rabidly successful, I'm sure we will be looking toward more stellar candidates in the future!

CollegeFootball All-Name Honorees

Since it's the end of the college football season, we here at Dodgy as Feck have decided to compile our All-Name Team. While we moderately analyzed the players' performance this season, we were more interested in how their name's looked in the program instead. So without further adieu...


Offense

QB - Jim Bob Cooter, Tennessee (Needless to say, campus stud and this team's captain)
(Backups)
Nick Cannon, Tulane (Guess he got tired of Wild 'n Out)
Colt McCoy, Texas (Would you want anyone else to go to Texas?)
Roley Skinner, Wake Forest (Yeesh..)
Ryan Mallett, Arkansas (Oww..)
Tony Pike, Cincinatti (Just gore me while you're at it...)

RB - Donald Buckram, UTEP (Surely he can hit the hole hard)
RB - Mister Simpson, Michigan ("The fumes are making me dizzy!")
OT - Kyle Sackrider, Michigan State (I'd hate to know what his celebration is after a pancake...)
OG - Jerrod Gooch, Texas Tech (Also uses a post-pancake celebration)
C - Chief Kickingstallionsims C, Alabama State (If he does that to horses, imagine how he blocks)
OG - Nick Bigrigg, Kent State (It's obvious what he's driving around campus)
OT - King Dunlap, Auburn (You know what size bed he sleeps on)
TE - Ryan Allgood, Oklahoma (Safe hands I'm sure)
WR - De'Cody Fagg, Florida State (More durable than a bundle of sticks)
WR - Co-Eric Riley, Mississippi State (We'd send his brother out with him as twins right, but we only found one...)

Defense

DE Evander Holyfield, Auburn (Offensive linemen, watch your earholes!)
DT Tez Doolittle, Auburn (I'm sure he occupies blockers despite low stats)
DE Colin Ferrell, Kent State (Ha!)
LB Prince Kwateng, Northwestern
LB Sir Darean Adams, Michigan State (Please address our linebacking corps with respect!)
LB Mister Alexander, Florida State
LB Lucious Pusey, Eastern Illinois (We're assuming he's hetero...)
CB Justin McQueen, Texas A&M (The weaker of our corners, presumably)
CB Reggie Corner, Akron (Did you want a better lockdown man for this team?)
FS I-Perfection Harris, Georgia Tech (Also a modest player...)
SS Zaire Kitchen, Rutgers (The team's cook; loves ethnic food)

Special Teams

PK - Brit Barefoot, Southern Miss (Saves the team money on cleats)
P - Keith Toogood, Texas Tech (He's not modest at all)
(Backup/Utility)
Zach Grossnickle, Colorado (Nasty fade, actually drops dimes through the uprights)
PR/KR - Noel Divine, West Virginia (Sent in from above!)

I'm starting to find out what Bryan Boytano WOULD do...

Associates -


Because I had my girlfriend over this weekend, I ended up watching a bit of figure skating this weekend (if you've had a significant former, don't say you haven't done the latter). I realized after that whole cheating ordeal with the French judge, I don't know how the new scoring system works. That being said, appearantly former skaters who do color commentary now like Scott Hamilton have issued the warrant before the Olympics that Jeremy Abbott "issued a beat down" on the rest of the field at the 2010 US Championships. Who knew such a thing existed in figure skating.


In an interesting twist, one of the runners up that qualified for the US has been officially dubbed Johnny "Weird" by my girlfriend. This fashion affeccionato was constantly shown with custom outfits that were cut open along the chest (moderately typical in figure skating, considerably faulty within society though) in his short routine, as well as baring both shoulders down to the bust in his long routine (never acceptable). Anytime you are waving at the crowd with just your fingers when your event is complete will leave you succeptable to questioning. That being said, it would be interesting to ask this fellow if he is an athlete in a competition, or an artist simply expressing himself....



I'd like to take this time to note that I've cared more to cover men's figure skating in this blog than I have baseball.


Relating to other sports not mainstream to the US, the Australian Open is underway, and Serena Williams has finally admitted that she abused the umpire at the US Open last year (just a bit). Interestingly though, she claims that the fine of $90,000 and the negative publicity would be less if a guy had done the same thing. You decide for yourself, all I know is that Maria Sharapova is not only falling off on the international level, but she isn't even the best at what she does within her own country; she just lost to countrywoman Maria Kirilenko, and judging by her Russian counterparts she has competition in the aesthetic portion of her livelihood as well.

Have you ever been to a hockey game and not liked it? Just another reminder from us at Dodgy as Feck to support your local NHL (best penalty shots of the year), WHL, or ECHL team (best team goal of year, plus 3 nutmegs).

Because the bit of major news in US sports pertains to the college ranks, we revert back to football. Colt McCoy injured his shoulder and arm in the BCS title game, like Sam Bradford and Tony Pike before him...since when did the footbll gods think it would be fun to injure all the good quarterbacks this year? Or did a voodoo shaman just get a lot of requests for the throwing arm of star quarterbacks?

In college basketball, it continues to interest me how teams at the top interchange sports so rapidly from week to week. That being said it only happens in the men's game, and it's bound to happen statistically when there's 340 teams. Big up's to UConn's women by the way, winners of 57 in a row by an average of 30+ points, including 3 times facing the #2 team in the country (20.3 point avg. margin of defeat). A good battle between them and Penn State volleyball in opposite seasons.

In more important news elsewhere, Sky Sports News has reported they believe that Arsenal will only have a shot at the title if Cesc Fabregas stays fit. I wonder when that dawned on them...they were keen enough to point out that Matthew Taylor (and generally his Bolton teammates as well) seem not to enjoy scoring. That side needs to find some fellas that do, and fast.

Impertinantly, an Englishman recently told me that his country care more about the MLS than the Scottish Premier League - if nothing else, it made me laugh.

If Valencia played at home like they did on the road, Barca wouldn't be running away with La Liga. Likewise, if Mallorca could muster even a part of the form they exhibit at home, they would overturn the massive deficit at the top of the table.

Has the Serie A ever been worse? It's terribly slow, the movement is abhorrently inefficient, and I'm pretty sure 99% of players have the first touch of a rapist (typical Italians). I don't think I can bear to watch anymore unless they're playing a team in Europe where they are forced to play quicker under pressure.

How did Hertha Berlin go from a contender to last place (by a long way) in the Bundesliga? I wish I got to watch the league more often, for being at such a high level it's arguably got one of the most evenly distributed sets of talent of any division as well. I'll also add that although I don't have GolTV right now, I'll get it if Kaiserslautern gets promoted to the Bundesliga and Luis Robles starts in goal for them. Along the same lines, big up's to my boys Collen Warner and Frankie Lopez, picked up by Real Salt Lake and Jaguares de Chiapas respectively. Best of luck fellas.

Finally, who the hell thinks they can beat my brother at FIFA10 on XBox? Sack up and leave your gamertag under this post

V

My Ill Post

So I'm stuck in Seattle currently suffering from some kind of germ (its probably not h1n1, i just like the pic). One upside is that I get to watch a lot of soccer on TV (the downside is you don't get sleep and there's very little on tv at 4:30 in the morning). So I'll give some observations from my virus driven soccer marathon.
-Landon Donovan is a damn fine soccer player. He's either going to become an assist machine or get a ton of goals in the second half of this season.
-I've always been an Eric Wynalda fan. I personally believe he's the best American Soccer analyst that we've got. I say all of this because he just correctly pointed out that Arsenal is a couple mic's and fedora's away from being a boy band. Think about it, Cesc Fabregas as the pretty boy. Thomas Vermaelen as the sweet white boy. Theo Walcott as the bad boy from the wrong side of a leg injury and Nicklas Bendtner as the toolbag.
-I'm sick of people saying that American owners are bad for the EPL. It's not that American owners that are terrible, its idiots owners. Hicks and Gillette are both American and Idiots. They're terrible owners because they are too reliant on Liverpool getting in certain positions and having their offspring sending d-bag emails, not because they understand baseball and live in apartments, not flats. Terrible owners are not specific to certain nationalities (paging mike ashley).
-I can't help but love Marouane Fellaini. Any Belgian that takes hair inspiration from Jimi Hendrix is fine by me.
-I'm fairly happy that I had Nicholas Anelka in my fantasy team, Darren Bent did his part too (and since he was down by a half dozen goals by the time, I'm fairly certain that he scored just for me). If anyone had Sunderlands goal keeper in, send your name and address to me and I'll send you anti-depressants.
-How does Clint Dempsey get injured? I think at this point, I'm 5th in the U.S.'s forward depth chart.
-That being said, Steven Pienaar is a better soccer player then I am.

Finally, i can personally attest that there in a Law and Order on at every hour of the day.

Arizona Horse Soccer

HORSE SOCCER...the new Olympic Sport?? from Glenn Davis on Vimeo.

So I'm all for expanding the game of soccer around the world, and around the country but I don't feel the need to spread it to other species (although Ruud van Nistelrooy sort of got his hoof in the door for all the equine's). I guess chalk this up to the things people think of while suffering from heat exhaustion.

Flavor: Assorted

Commiserators -

A quick look at the current sports landscape, because it is unnaturally hectic for this time of year. Incidentally we'll talk baseball first, because doing so is like eating your veggies - you don't want to, but you know you'll have to so you may as well get it out of the way.

You may have noticed that Big Mac has seemed seemed awfully contrite of late. I'm surprised his thoughts haven't been moderated, because he's insinuated that the length of the baseball season and the injuries that come from it are why he started using steriods. Shortening that season is great news in my book, but no doubt it will lose money for all involved in the sport. McGwire also said he didn't think steriods helped him hit the ball any better, which I believed until it was pointed out that steriods can improve your vision. Plenty of other topics in this realm to discuss....bottom line, baseball's in real trouble, and probably looking at going from America's pastime to developing the popularity that cricket draws in the Eastern Hemisphere.

In regards to international sports popularity, I've determined that each country's version of football is it's most popular sport respectively...with exception to Canada. No matter, they'll still point out that their Gray (or is it Grey to them?) Cup still has longer tenure than the Super Bowl.

On the road to the Super Bowl, 8 teams are left standing. Most matchups pit a team with more talent and a better record vs. a team on a hot streak. It should be noted that unless the Jets play the Ravens in the AFC, weather will likely not be a factor in any matchup.

Surprisingly, changes in the coaching carousel have surpassed news of actual athletic activity during the week, to the chagrin of franchises still in the playoffs I'm sure. The uber-goober himself has swiped the rug from underneath USC and quickly bolted for a mediocre Seattle franchise hoping to reclaim a run of success from 5 seasons ago. This is only to be surpassed by USC's selection of their next coach, and I can imagine the thought process of Mike Garrett, USC AD - "Let's see....find someone who's a failed NFL coach with a pro-style offense, that emphasizes defense, and sounds great when recruiting to teens but like a used car salesman when doing interviews." Nice job coach, you found the man.

Speaking of the carousel, why not send one of these guys up to Washington State to turn that team around? It's a BCS school that would stoop to about any level in order to ensure some sort of success at this point...after all, you've got to save some face, you only have one. Or it might be ironic if Mike Leech headed to Tennessee, and a series of national powerhouses effectively end up trading a group of high profile coaches. More to come on this later I'm sure.

On the topic of Tennessee, we can move to college basketball. I know The Puck is bitter about it, but I'm sure the only reason his Jayhawks got beat by a Vols team with 6 scholarship players is because they didn't know which others had guns concealed on them. I'm glad to see the conference season underway for teams though, this will likely be my domestic focus over the next 2 months.

The best thing about the NBA right now isn't the league, because rarely does something significant happen before the All-Star break and the playoff race heats up. Instead, as a sports gamer I'm more pleased to hear about NBA Jam coming back. Despite the fact that I don't knwo why it's being distributed on the Wii from Canada, I look forward to being able to throw an unneccessary series of elbows after grabbing a board from 30 feet up, having the ball bounce a dozen times on the rim before someone grabs it, and lighting nets on fire after launching a barrage of 3's from midcourt.

In more somber news, terrible to hear about the Togalese soccer team, shot at by a series of Angolan rebels and striking fear into the international community before the World Cup. Despite this, even worse news to hear that the CAF might've banned the team from the tournament that they were trying to arrive at when this happened. Sad to say, but if these events lead to a disasterous World Cup, African organizations will take a major hit within the international sporting community.

I've got nothing for hockey at the moment, other than that I've clearly found the goal of the year. Degree of difficulty is obviously high here, as his angle was tight and he took it out of the air.

Monta Ellis gets up reeeal easy...

Big up's to The Puck, who recently gave me a call to offer an extra ticket to an NBA game he had left over when his girlfriend decided that studying to get into grad school precedes attendance at a professional sporting event. This trip afforded me an opportunity to gain a higher knowledge and appreciation for the NBA product about to be divulged. This trip afforded The Puck the opportunity to see his childhood team matchup vs. the team whose city he currently resides (Warriors v. Blazers). Big ups to a random gentleman in section 122 also, who's advice that a pair of seats next to him (and just behind the Blazers bench) rarely get filled, and allowed us to turn $20 tickets into $135 tickets.

The Puck and I were especially keen after our good fortunate, and with our combined knowledge could more easily breakdown major and minor aspects of the NBA production. That being said, this opportunity also exposed us to the company of a series of season ticket holding frat boys to our left (clearly attending on daddy's pocketbook) that while humored by the banter next to them, could only muster enough intelligence to point out the most blatantly obvious of events taking place around them.

Early on, while The Puck and I appreciated the workmanlike attitude and preparation of the participants, two particular players stood out in vast contrast of the general demeanor. It was in no poor fashion that Juwan Howard and Ronnie Turiaf (perrenial NBA good guys) seemed excessively playful throughout the competition; in fact, the percieved notion that they had a good perspective of where their jobs stood within their overall livelihood was refreshing. Accordingly, these two were monitored during all time outs and breaks to see (and also partake in) what constantly kept them humored.

Speaking of constantly humored during breaks, it was also excessively appearant that many of the Blazers (LaMarcus Aldridge, Rudy Fernandez, Steve Blake...who mind you are injured and sitting behind the bench) aren't shy of keeping an eye on the BlazerDancers and Rebecca Haarlow, Comcast SportsNet's courtside correspondent. LaMarcus was easily identifiable as the primary cultprit, noted to have been pulling Rudy away from the huddle during timouts and pointing at various events taking place during breaks. He also gave Rebecca more than one up/down glance during the span of the game. I considered offering The Puck on a +/- wager on how many times this would happen the rest of the night, except for the fact that it would've required us also to frequently glance at Rebecca as well, who didn't look impressive on the evening. (In her defense, her photos and bio seen here improved my overall impression of her)

Staying on the topic of breaks though, The Puck was noticably disturbed by segments when young girls (presumably between 8 and 12) were brought out during timeouts to share the provacative dance moves that they had learned from the much more mature BlazerDancers. While The Puck was not the only fan pressured to look away from this display (obviously this would make any male over 18 feel uneasy), it occured to me that despite the fact that this is a positive activity and a way for young girls to express themselves, the manner and setting in which they were doing it was perhaps in appropriate. Obviously we here at Dodgy as Feck would never condone such a thing, but events like this make me less shocked when grungy 40-somethings hang out around the time kids get out for recess...they don't need any more ammunition, why should they be provoked in a blatantly public environment by those with no legal rights, and presumably no ability to protect themselves? Just food for thought...

In relevant athletic action, it should be noted that before the tip, I noted a gut feeling to those around that Corey Maggette would have an exceptional game. Sure enough, the Blazers looked visibly weary from only having an 8-man rotation, and the Warriors rushed to a 20-4 lead within the first 5 minutes thanks to 11 points from Maggette. However, the player who turned on the style most after this juncture was Monta Ellis. Despite a plea to The Puck to remind me later in life never to name any of my children "Monta", the slick 6'3" shooting guard provided multiple opportunities from the fastbreak, and often switching between cutting and outleaping the TrailBlazers bigs and leveling any perimeter defending with a barrage of 3's.
Despite the Warriors losing 105-89, I was thuroughly impressed by his performance, and it made me wonder which other NBA teams have exceptional players that (despite a high athletic affinity) I have very little idea about. That being said, in terms of NBA players with little exposure, Brandon Roy scored the quitest 37 points I think I'll ever see in a game.

With a great experience in hand (figuratively...the only thing I actually had was a coupon for a free chalupa from Taco Bell for the Blazers notching 100 points), I was pleased to have the opportunity to attend such a great entertainment event, and to see it from such a great angle. Hopefully The Puck's girlfriend will continue her intense study habits (I chose to disregard my own for the evening), I fully look forward to a similar experience in the near future.

A glimpse into the Dodgy Keepers Childhood

You wanna know why The Dodgy Keeper joined this blog... cause his hoodrat friend The Puck told him to.

Apparently not all French hate America

Does Arsenal really have a U.S. scout? I'm willing to bet he's more a North American scout that pops up to the states in between long periods south of the border. But still a pretty cool sign from every bodies favorite economist/manager.

Lambastards

Participants -

Great to see you still enthused. I'd have posted earlier about Arenas, but it hurts to see a Wildcat alum act this stupid. Hopefully the crippled Blazers can strike a deal with the Bullets errrr Wizards now that they are in desperate need for a guard.

Speaking of the Blazers, did you hear the news? Chris Dudley has stopped running for office in Oregon, he wants Greg Oden's open position instead.

NCAA Football Championship is tonight, at least regarding the Coaches Poll. I hope the game ends 6-3 in 2OT to Texas, with the turnover margin at 14-12 in favor of the Horns. Like Josh Hairnet at the end of Lucky Number S7evin, "Feck you both." (3:35)

Amazingly, I care more about pro football at the moment. Glad to see the Cardinals didn't bite when Green Bay kept taunting them by running it up. That being said, why was Anquan Boldin ever in? Nobody's talking about him missing out like Wes Welker, but their situations are comparable.

Did I mention that I won my NFL Fantasy League? If I didn't mention that I won my NFL Fantasy League, I meant to say that I won my NFL Fantasy League...

Also in the NFL, the Redskins got a much needed change at head coach - introducing...

Of course, a familiar face to those in the Pacific NW.

And hey, it's a good thing Mike Vick came back this year: 6-13, 86 yds, 1 td. In case you needed a reminder, you blew it.

Speaking of people blowing it, golf says it'll be the same as before without Tiger. Frankly, I think they're spot on, because we all could give a feck less about 40 and 50-somethings that can't run. The only reason your sport even had ratings was that the same age demographic left their TV's on when they took a nap.

In that demographic, I only have respect for one man - Randy Johnson. Big up's for the Big Unit, and may your mullet live on forever.

Moving on to entertaining sports (and because another word would've been one too much about baseball), how the hell are the Phoenix Coyotes one of the top 3 teams in the Western Conference? This was the team whose coach (Mr. Great One) left them for dead before the season, and whose town/ownership would at any point be likely to do the same. At a scratch above 10,000 for average home attendance, you'd think that Phoenix would do better with an MLS team in the summer. By no means am I complaining though...

Over in England, the English media saying former Burnley boss Coyle is moving backwards by going to Bolton. I guess they forgot 3 top 8 finishes the last 5 years for Bolton, and that the club is courting Guti from Real Madrid. It's hard to take their media seriously...I'd rather let the teams' actions stand for themselves. (Top 10 goal of the year for sure) That being said, as much as I hate him sometimes, I hope Landon does well.

Can't wait for the Olympics, might even have to get a DVR for it. How badass would ski jumping be? Or the skeleton luge (headfirst, for those unaware), if you perfected the technique...? Ice dancing I can live without, but I'm stoked all the same.

I just drive past a lady that was eating and on her cell phone in Washington (illegal)...but with a handicap sticker. WTF?

Anyway, enjoy the end of the week...more ironies to come I'm sure.

The Dodgy Keeper



PS - I'm passing on the prediction of a significant earthquake in LA sometime in 2010...you probably heard it here first.

Hope Agent Zero has a Liscense

So I was prepared to write a post about how its a joke and terrible for the NBA that one of its "stars" had several handguns hanging out in his locker sitting next to his Dakar cologne. But then I heard the part of the dispute was that Javaris Crittenton told Arenas that he was "going to shot him in the knee". I just thought that was funny.


I'll leave the outrage to somebody else.

Music Thursday (on Friday)

I had better things to do the past couple thursday's. So I'm catching up now. I believe this band came up on my Pandora and I've been digging them ever since. I especially enjoy the live video because like Seth Green doing the voice of Chris Griffin, I can't really understand how the lead singers voice does that.

I'm not a big Hockey Fan but...

I'm pretty sure the NHL Winter Classic is probably the best idea any sport has had recently. Growing up in California, Hockey was typically played on inline skates and I didn't really have any part of it. Moving to Oregon, I've tried to give Hockey a chance. I've been to several Winterhawks games and enjoyed it. I tried to get into Hockey at the end of last season but it didn't really happen.
But this winter classic has me interested. The LSU-Penn State game is a pretty good (although the turf is terrible and is another example of bowls being a joke) but I'm finding myself switching to the Hockey game. Two classic sports towns, in one of the most storied and legendary venue don't know if it gets much better then this.